Backstory: Joseph and I grew up together. When we met, my brother Robert was 7, Joe's brother Daniel was 6, I was 5, and Joe was 4. Our moms liked each other, but we did not. They apparently didn't care, and made us hang out together anyway. Turns out, mom knows best, because we became the best of friends, and we're pretty much family now. You know those friends that you'll have your whole life? Well, they're those kind of friends.
I figured it might be fun to get a different perspective around here, not that all my thoughts and opinions aren't riveting butttttt anyway, I asked Joseph to answer a few questions. Mainly, because he's one of the funniest people I know, and also because I knew I could talk him into it. I didn't edit anything he wrote, but since you don't have the pleasure of knowing him in real life...do take everything with a grain of salt. His sarcasm tank runs VERY full. Just one reason on the list of why we are friends ;) Anyway, as he mentions, he's single, and Catholic, so I'm tagging him on my Insta post in case you want to chat or do that whole slide into the DM's thing as the kids call it these days. Without further ado, meet Joseph -->
"When I was asked to write interview answers by one of Cincinnati’s fastest up-and-coming bloggers and IG influencers I was a bit intimidated.I wasn’t sure what the interview would be about. I was only told that it was “a blog post from a Catholic guy’s point of view.” Well, Catholic guys can have points of view on quite a few issues, but it turns out that it was a point of view on the dating scene out there. Now, I am a Catholic guy, but I’m not the best Catholic guy around. I try to be a good Catholic most of the time, and often I don’t try as hard as I should, but I am Catholic. And I am a single guy who tries to be as active as possible in the dating scene. I’m not Don Juan, but I do go on dates and I have met women in a myriad of different ways. I’ve used CatholicMatch.com, I've tried swiping on Tinder, I’ll slide into DM’s. I go to coffee shops and bars. I've done blind dates and group dates and dates that I know beforehand won’t end well.
So those are my qualifications. I am a practicing Catholic and I go on dates. As I write this I am also realizing that I am probably the last single guy in this fast up-and-coming blogger’s friend group, which is probably why I was picked for this, which is a little bit depressing. I’m going to go drink some of the pain away before I come back and answer the questions.
Question 1: What is the best part of being Catholic?
Probably the drinking. When you are a single guy who is closer to 30 than 20, being able to drink guilt-free helps sometimes. Seriously though, there are tons of great things about being Catholic. Having Mary, the Mother of God as our mother, and an advocate to her Son for us is pretty amazing. Plus, we have great holidays throughout the year, and our churches are prettier than anyone else’s.
But, I would have to say the sacraments of confession and Holy Communion are my favorite aspects of Catholicism. Being able to receive these sacraments makes Catholicism hands down heads above any other religion in my mind. Catholicism is the only religion that allows its members to physically receive Christ into their bodies or speak their sins into the ear of God through a priest in confession and receive absolution. Confession is incredibly powerful and humbling, and if any non-Catholics read this blog, you should check confession out sometime. As awkward as it sounds to tell another human being all your worst faults, actions, and even your thoughts, it is an amazing experience that highlights God’s infinite mercy.
Being able to receive Christ in the Eucharist is even more amazing than Confession. It is a sacrament that shows the continued physical presence of Jesus among us, is a source of grace, and a reenactment of Jesus’s great sacrifice of love for us when He died on the cross. So, between God’s mercy from going to confession and the love of God that I feel when receiving the Eucharist, I have to say those are the best part of being Catholic. The other sacraments are great too, but I don’t remember being baptized, confirmation was a one-time thing, and I’ve never experience anointing the sick, marriage, or holy orders. Maybe someday.
Question 2: What is your favorite song right now and why?
So, my favorite song right now is Handclap by Fitz and the Tantrums. Even though I’m probably living in 2016, I recently heard Fitz and the Tantrums at Bunbury Music Festival and got super into that song. I’m a big dancer and for whatever reason, I can really dance to that beat, so I’m rocking with it right now.
The other song that I really like, that I am starting to feel more and more deeply as I continue to age, and continue to be unmarried is, “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That) by Meat Loaf. Although not as danceable as Handclap, it carries a certain weight of mystery to me and I always try to imagine what it is that he won’t do for love. Spend holidays with his mother-in-law to be? Move to the suburbs? Compromise on the number of cats it is acceptable to have in the house? Sign a particularly restrictive prenuptial agreement? I’m not sure what it is, but I would love to know. And I wonder if I would do it? If I’m still not married by the time I’m thirty, I bet I would do it.
Question 3: What are the top 3 qualities you look for in a girl
I’m not that picky about who I date. I’ve dated big girls and small girls. Pretty girls and homely girls. Smart girls and not so smart girls. So, as you can see, I’m not terribly rigorous in my screening process. But I’d say the three things that I need are…
1. She must have decent grammar. I’m not a grammar Nazi, or an English teacher, or anything like that, but you need to have the ability to write a college level paper and get an A on it. Honestly, that’s not a huge ask. Half the time if you hit the page requirement in college you get an A on the paper just on length alone. I once dated a girl who was great with grammar. She could tell you about commas and past participles, the whole nine yards. It was quite a turn on!
2. Be somewhat competitive. I don’t care what anybody tells you, life is a game, and someone is going to win. I want to be on the winning team, and I feel that having someone on your team who is competitive gives you an edge.
3. Know how to cook and clean. That probably sounds bad, but I swear I am actually quite progressive. I am entirely willing to cook for my wife and do my share of things. With that being said, I am better at some household chores than others, and cleaning is not really my forte. So, if I marry someone who is also not a big cleaner, we could quickly get into trouble. Also, I’m assuming that she will do at least some of the cooking, and I want to enjoy it. I’ll cook some meals, don’t stress about that. But it isn’t realistic to expect me to cook all the time, and when she cooks, I want it to be stuff that we both like. I once dated a girl who constantly cooked food that I didn’t like, and I constantly cooked food that didn’t agree with her. It was not optimal.
Question 4. What was your worst date ever?
I’ve had so many absolutely terrible dates it is hard to pick just one. One of the worst dates was when I took a girl to a New Year’s Eve party. She had recently had a DUI, so I had to pick her up from her parent’s house, which was in the middle of nowhere, Kentucky. She was a “holler girl” which meant that her entire family and extended family lived in a “holler” in Kentucky. Good people. The kind that fear God and have guns. So, we get to the party and she quickly gets very drunk and starts hitting on/groping all my friends, both male and female. She then threw up on me twice and passed out. The party was at a pretty big house with spare rooms, so I put her in one of the rooms to sleep it off. The rest of the party was kind of ruined for me since I hate being thrown up on. Luckily, I had a pair of sweatpants in my car. The next morning, I went up to the room to wake her up, so I could take her back to the holler. She got up and went around the house gathering up her things. Unbeknownst to me, she also found a half bottle of scotch and pulled the old hair of the dog trick and emptied it. On the drive to her parent’s she fell asleep and when we got close I tried to wake her up. Nothing worked. I was pulled over on the side of the road in the middle of fields in Kentucky shouting her name, shaking her, splashing water on her face, slapping her face, and honking my horn. She was dead to the world. So, I drive the last five minutes to her parent’s house. I get out of the car and make one last effort to wake her up. It was unsuccessful. I pulled her out of the car and started carrying her in my arms up the hill to the farmhouse. Remember what I said about these being the kind of people who had guns? I kept expecting to feel a bullet at any moment, fired from the righteous rifle of a father who believes that this stranger has corrupted his favorite daughter. I made it to the porch and after a few moments of hesitation knocked on the door. It was opened by a man who I assumed was her father. I said, “Is this your daughter?” and extended my sleeping date to him. He just looked at me and asked, “Yep, has she been drinking again?”
Question 5: If you could have dinner with any person, dead or alive, who would it be?
I would probably pick Kobe Bryant. I’d like to talk to him about his Mamba Mentality and maybe get some pointers on my fadaway jumper. I’ve really been neglecting my fadaway jumper these last several years and its high time I do something about it. Dinner with Kobe may be just the thing.
Question 6: What’s your favorite thing about your life right now?
My life is actually pretty good right now. I like my job, school is going well, I have a full head of hair, and I’ve got some good things happening behind the scenes. But for purposes of this blog, as much as it may be a cliché, I will say that I enjoy being single. I want to get married eventually/soon but being single has good points. I can eat ice cream out of the carton (though if my wife doesn’t let me do that, idk if it will work out), I can spend as much time on work and school as I want to, I can ride my motorcycle, and spend money on things that I want. There is something nice about being totally independent and not having to worry about. It’s a good time to be me.
Question 7: What Traits could you absolutely not deal with in a girl
Well since it says “traits” plural, and not singular, get ready to read, because there are many traits I couldn’t live with. In the interest of time, I will try to limit it to just a few.
- People who aren’t active. I like to hike, kayak, play sports, ride bikes, etc. If we can’t do the things I like to do together, then it probably won’t work. I also like to eat pizza and binge Netflix, so I’m not looking for an Olympic athlete or something here.
- Being Clingy – no one likes clingy girlfriends. Everyone needs alone time. If you don’t, then maybe you need a dog more than you need a boyfriend. (ouch, that was harsh when I reread it.)
- Murderers. I wouldn’t date a murderer. That’s all.
I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did...and if you did, feel free to share and go like the Insta post so we can work together to boost his ego a little ;)